This morning I woke up and had the most humbling of emotional experiences. It’s been a rough few weeks for my son and you know what that means for me, being his mama. Not much sleep, figuring out the best ways to assist with his grieving process and just trying to ease his fears. This is not a complaint, I just wish I could trade places with him and take all of his pain and fears away.
But this morning I awoke in a new way. Even though I’m still exhausted, and haven’t slept much in the last two weeks; something clicked differently this morning and it ALL made perfect sense.
For the first time in a while, I woke up this morning, not thinking overtime about everything in my life that I need to fix or do. I’m more of a silent “sufferer”. I deal with life in private but I’ve also learned to not allow things to take an emotional toll on me; except when it comes to my little baby. But these last few weeks, with everything going on with my little bitty, I’ve been more concerned about him, his feelings and wellbeing than I have been with myself. I’ve neglected myself in the worst way. I barely sleep, I barely eat and my body is feeling the after shocks. But I’ve managed to still find ways to laugh, smile and be a light to others during this process. Simply because it brings me peace and joy to lighten the load of others.
Before You Go
Over the last 3 years, I’ve been on this spiritual journey. Transitioning myself into an acceptable spiritual place and that had to be done for myself. With that transition, came a lot of unforced changes within myself, and I embraced that change effortlessly. One of the greatest lessons happened when I learned that I was losing myself to please other people. I’ve always been a giver, willing to be there for any and everybody, I’d give my first and last if I felt that someone needed it more than me. I never had an expectation in return.. But because I was constantly choosing to give the best of me, and not realizing that some people were taking advantage of me. When I removed myself from those situations, I realized that I was drained of all of the positives I had to offer…
Which in turn, made me sit down with myself in order to figure out what I had to do to make sure that all of the peace and positivity I had was unceasing. At that moment, I decided to create a perfect peace and positivity in my solitude, just for myself. I told myself, “before you go, remember this place you are in and never return.”
It was never the easiest journey, especially going from a worry wart and chronic stressor, to allowing things literally be what they are. It took years, to understand that, life moves on, regardless of how I feel or where I am. Life moves on, regardless of how many issues and negatives pile up on my shoulders. What would it take to live as free as the birds, or to just be fluid with life, and mimic the waves. I wanted that permanence, I NEEDED that peace, but how could I attain it? How could I keep it? It started with changing my mindset, learning how to smile when I didn’t think I could. Learning how to not allow the negatives to ruin a day or a moment. I learned how to carry the weight of the world with a shift in my shoulders, and not breaking a sweat. It didn’t mean that the weight that I carried wasn’t as heavy or noticeable. It just meant that I learned my strength and decided to tap into that on a constant basis in order to keep my peace and remain positive. In order to keep moving and being great.
I’ve always been destined to be Great
I’ve always been destined for greatness, regardless of the setbacks I’ve experienced. Coming from the deepest of dark holes to learning how to love and live with zero regrets. Giving never ending amounts of positivity and genuineness. Learning how to be a lifetime candle for myself others. This morning was the reminder that I needed. I am capable. I am great. I am worthy. I am deserving. If I continue on the path that I am on, I will be able to reach more people and be more than I could have ever dreamed for myself.
So before you go another day, another night, another moment; look back at how far you’ve come. Where you started, everything you’ve lived through. You’ve made it this far, and you will continue to push through and live in perfect peace. You are worthy! Remember that.