*There are no disclaimers, I’m sure you’re grown*
I’ve been bouncing between choosing to write this and just letting it slide. But at this point, I genuinely just feel that I am over all nouns (people, places & thingsss) and this will be the one good vent that gets me right back into my carefree black girl space. By honoring myself and releasing said frustrations into the universe, always helps. *Shrugs*
First of all, Fuck you!
I won’t lie to you, I’ve been rolling through these last few months with Tupac’s energy. I’m so sick & tired of nouns trying to bullshit me. First and foremost, fuck you. Second, I don’t really give a damn about what or how you think of me. Just because I’m silent or I choose to focus my energy into other things, does not equate to my intelligence or capacity to truly process what’s going on around me. My intellect is not lacking in any department, and what you will not do is treat me like I’m stupid. Just because I choose to not react or find the positive light in most situations, doesn’t mean that I’m oblivious. This is for everything & everybody. I’m tired.
Second of all, You can’t devalue me.
People swear that you won’t notice when they treat less than you deserve OR that you’ll feel that maybe this is your true worth. Says the fuck who? Honestly, that’s a toxic mindset for anyone to have. I pay attention, I’ve always observed my surroundings and how people function within it. So, I do see the differences in treatment in those situations and some of them, honestly pretend it should be unnoticed. You could literally bust your ass, stress yourself, and be there for nouns and they’ll shit on you like you’re basic as fuck.
This has been happening within all facets of my life. Whether its family, work or other interpersonal relationships. I should NOT have to remind anyone of what I bring to the table. To the point where, if you willingly choose not to see that for yourself, and I choose to remove myself from the situation, you should NOT be calling anything outside of my name.
I am worth way more than some nouns try to give me credit for. And I refuse to live within those bullshit means.
Do I really need to pull a HOV?
Why do I constantly have to sit down and express that I do not fancy the effort and treatment I get? Just for people to be unreasonable and pretend they just don’t get it. Even at my job, they tried to pretend like I could be doing “so much more” until they listed all of the task that I handle on a daily basis and then look at me with the beet red, my apologies face. At this point, I’m walking out of situations that I KNOW God didn’t create for me. I have zero desire to fight for a spot in anybody’s space, company, life, etc. For what? People complicate my life willingly, just to make the life of others easier. And I will no longer be the one burdened by everyone else.
It felt good to write this
It felt absolutely beautiful to get this off my chest. To release part of my frustration – instead of internalizing it all and blaming myself. I’ve understood over the years, that I have allowed people to think that they can treat me however and do whatever they want to me without consequence. It was always a known fact that I would always be there – Blood, tears, scars & all. But as my Grandfather always told me, he’s “a lion. He raised more lions. No Punks.” With that said, I’m the ruler of my life, ‘who gon’ check me boo?”
Love & light,
a carefree black girl.