Have you ever had to sit down and snap yourself out of it? Out of that mood, out of that thought process or out of those feelings? Well, that was me. If you’ve read The New Year Blues, then you know that I sulked and cried and sulked a little bit more. I was very and I mean VERY apprehensive about starting off this year, wondering if I can withstand what would come my way and if I was capable of getting it all done. I’ve been rebuilding my foundation over the last few years, and I guess, I was finally going to get that answer. Apparently, God thinks HE’s funny, too, and I’ll explain.
God thinks HE’s funny, too.
I prayed… and I prayed a lot. A lot of my prayers were me venting and just talking candidly to HIM. In hopes that HE would hear me, hear my desires, my thoughts, my dreams, my pain, my happiness and understand my heart. Hear me in a way that many refuse to. I dropped all guards, and I just spoke and the majority of my expressions came in the form of writing. I created a journal of manifestation. Expressing my inner thoughts, not hiding them from myself, but exposing them from and center. Expressing every frustration, every inkling of my desires to be loved and to be successful. My desires, the things I want to manifest, and just a genuine, “God, I’m tired but I’m ready”….. Because after everything, I am
“God, I’m tired but I’m ready”
I’ve taken a lot of time, to get to know myself and understand my needs and wants. And that’s just me speaking for every aspect of my life. The dreams and goals that I have are more attainable than I could have ever imagined. I’ve learned, I’ve lived, I’ve survived and I’ve realized so much about myself. I cried more than I could have ever imagined, but the majority of those tears were happy tears, proud tears. I go back sometimes, to see how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown and I have every right to be proud of the woman I’m becoming. Even though I’m tired, I’m ready. Genuinely. I’m ready for everything that’s meant for me and some. I’m ready to finally figure out what that is. Besides this desire to help others and this pursuit of my degrees, I’m not really sure what that could be.
When you’re at the bottom, it’s time to fight, not give up
Even though it’s so easy to quit when you hit the bottom, DON’T. I am aware that it’s easier said than done, but it is possible. I’ve been given every opportunity imaginable to quit and permanently, too. But somehow at the bottom, I found the faintest spark of light imaginable and decided to hold on to it. I worked really hard to try to get that spark to grow into something more visible. Until one day, I realized that the small spark that I carried and followed out of the darkness, lit my life. It lit my entire life, from corner to corner, that meant revealing the good, the bad and the ugly. And I had to face every corner of my life and understand (and accept) every lesson that came from them, and how they assisted in making me who I am today.
Be Appreciative of the lessons learned and always aim high
Do not be ashamed of the lessons you’ve learned or the stripes you’ve earned. Learn from them, become better because of them. Allow God to humble your spirit, and just sit back and allow things to work in your favor.
God thinks HE’s funny too. I’ve been praying for clarity and have been taking huge bouts of silence just to keep my peace and rejuvenate my spirit. I didn’t watch television all weekend (unintentionally), I limited my interactions with people, and just enjoyed conversations with my mini and pole dancing with the girls. I got an answer that I have been asking about for a while, but it came in a form of laughter, instead of a serious answer. Well, laughter for me. Sometimes, we have to sit back and laugh at what is happening, instead of getting all riled up and angry.
Aim high and keep moving forward, even when you fall a little short, DO NOT QUIT. DO NOT GIVE IN. Keep moving. Seriously, KEEP. MOVING. Pray when you need to, Cry when you need to. Refill your peace tank, continuously pour positivity into yourself. Be genuine with your actions, be consistent with yourself. Set goals, attain them. Love on you harder and deeper than you have EVERRRRR loved on someone in your whole life. Smile more. Be present. Laugh Hard. Be appreciative. Be grateful. But most importantly, live in your truth. Chase your dreams confidently. Choose to be great.