I’m one of those people that pride themselves in the woman they are today. Right now, at this very moment. I’ve worked super hard to be the woman that I am right now and to continue on to be the woman that I need to be. It took many years for me to become a more peaceful, optimistic and praying spirit… I’ve always known that the devil will try to plot your downfall, but the way my life almost flipped, I couldn’t even believe it.
It seemed that the older I got, the more people tried to be messy. As a woman, all I have is my word, my integrity, & my peace of mind. I’ve been attacked on many levels over the years, but attacking my integrity and everything I’ve ever stood for in life? Is unfair & unforgivable.
Integrity is a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, and morals.
As a woman & as a mother, I value my integrity and everything that comes with it. It’s disappointing when you’re being attacked by the people that are supposed to care about you.
Why does it even matter?
I can honestly tell you that… All you have at the end of the day is your faith, your integrity & your reputation. Your integrity is a huge part of EVERYTHING that you are. It’s the core of YOU. So, if someone is trying to dig and ruin the foundation of you, how would you feel. If you were not only be called certain things, but people are really treating you as such and looking at you in that manner? It’s crushing, especially when you know that you’ve been working on becoming someone that you and your child(ren) can be proud of? It’s like someone just punched you right in your spirit, and cut you deep to the core. It’s not a good feeling. Especially for me. I pride myself in who and what I’ve become. I’ve worked my ass off to get there. Not just for me, but so my son knows what a woman is and if I ever have a daughter, she’ll know what type of woman she’s supposed to be. And it also preps me to the be wife that my future husband deserves. My life and internal programming isn’t just about me, and I know this.
I just, I know, that I let things get to me deeper than anything else in the world. Especially when I’m being attacked. Some things take a bit for me to brush off. Some things take a little bit for me to walk past them. I hit that initial sense of disbelief and then realized that I was hurt.. Beyond measure.
When your integrity is all you have to your name. You protect it. I don’t care about what the world thinks of me.. But my son? My parents? And my significant other? Yes.. Those views matter. And if any of those views become tainted by someone other than myself..: I have an issue with it. A real one.
But it’s all apart of life. And the way you bounce back, says a lot about you. And that’s the conclusion I came to.. With help of course. If it isn’t true, others will see that soon enough. So I shouldn’t have to worry about anyone attempting to assassinate my character. Because I know who I am. And I’ll continue to carry myself as such.
It’s just, this past week, I’ve been attacked on a personal and business aspect. My moral compass, my decision making, my professionalism, and my personal choices were called into question. Things that honestly, I shouldn’t have to answer to, because I’ve proven myself over the years. Now, I’m very quick to defend the people & things that I believe in. No matter the cost or the consequences.. I’ve cried and screamed into pillows out of frustration. I’ve strayed away from others just to try to deal with it all.. and I just feel that I shouldn’t have to defend every fiber of my actual being when people should know me better than that. Honestly.
But that’s the life we live. It will happen no matter what.. and I just have to get used to it… I just hate being on the defensive. I do. ughhhhhhhh
Sorry guys. lol
End Rant/vent
