Seeking Perfection

We’re human. And we tend to forget that when we’re looking for our better, other half. We forget that they are human. And being human, means that they are flawed, just like us. We seek perfect, flawless individuals. Wrapped in a nonexistent fairy tale.

We seek perfection.

Personally, I don’t want perfection. I don’t seek it. It isn’t real. And if someone is so perfect, that they’re flawless…… they’re fake. There’s no real human on the planet that’s so surreal, that they aren’t naturally flawed the way God intended us to be.

I don’t want the perfect being. That’s not who I’m looking for. I just want him to be perfect enough for me. I want him to get on my nerves and make me roll my eyes. I want to throw my hands up in frustration, while I’m being misunderstood mid explanation. I know that this very special being that will be placed in my life can handle it all. He will be able to handle me. And the same way he can make me side eye, he’ll be able to make me smile with less effort. He’ll know what to avoid, he’ll know what situations to keep me away from. He’ll be able to make me laugh mid eye roll, he’ll keep me grounded. He’ll create a soft spot just for him.

Why? Honestly… You learn SO much about yourself and your significant other during these times. You learn that person’s temperament, you learn their weaknesses, you learn their push points, and you KNOW what breaks them.

Why does this even matter!?

I’m far from perfect. And to those heaven sent pair of eyes, he’ll see perfection in me. But I’m not, and that is a hell of a lot to live up to. I’m emotional, I’m sensitive, I’m sappy, I can be irritable some days, I can go hard in the paint one day and lovey dovey the next. Some days I want my space, other days I want to be loved on. I flare my nose when I’m irritated. Sometimes I just don’t want to talk, other days I can go from happy to mad in 0.8 seconds. I’m not the most patient person, and some days I’m spoiled. I catch attitudes just like everyone else.

I’m human. I’m flawed. I know that I’m not perfect. And I can’t pretend that I am. I know that I can get under someone’s skin and piss them off, accidentally pushing them away with my own insecurities. I know that I fall short sometimes, I just don’t want to be given up on when I have my “wrapped in a blanket” days.

I know that if I set my eyes on God, He will bless me with the most perfect, imperfect being imaginable.. But I just hope He lets this man know, that I’m a work in progress. I’m not perfect, but I’m forever working on me.. I just want to be accepted flaws and all. My better half is supposed to better me, see in me the qualities you don’t have, so that I can better you.

The person that’s meant to love you, has to know these things, witness them, live through them and still be there at the end of the day. They also act as the buffer and voice of reason, giving you a whole new perspective on life.

I’m ready to grow. I’m ready to go from I to we, from me to us. I just need someone that’s going to see all of the good in me, knowing that I’m still flawed, and would choose me anyways… Time and time again..

Honestly, those that seek perfection will never find me. And that isn’t a bad thing. That just means that I don’t have to worry about living up to unreal expectations. I can be loved for everything that I am, and accepted for everything that I am not.

No judgement.

Just help me better… I will do the same for you.

I can’t seek perfection.

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