The New Year Blues
I never thought that the “New Year Blues” were a thing. I never thought that there could be any possible to enter the new year feeling the way that I do. And I’m sure others are feeling the same way as I am. *This is mostly a vent session. I’ll get it right. But first I need to get a few things off of my chest.**
Let’s be honest
The excitement I felt initially about entering a new year, was beyond any year I’ve experienced in my life (Minus Y2K when they thought the world would end). I was beyond ready to see what the year would hold, because everything, and I mean EVERYTHING was starting to look up. I had plans for the top part of the year, goals on the horizon of being attained, and just feeling an overall satisfaction with my health (minus my weight loss goals). That everything just seemed to finally seem to be on the up and up. *For those of you that have been here through the long haul, you know. Your girl has been through the ringer and has managed to get back up every time.* But this year, things felt as though they would be different.
I’m two semesters away from graduating with both of my degrees, my son is excelling in school and being just as great as his mommy, my grades are beautiful, my self love is at an all time high, and I’m finally moving in the right direction…
What could possibly change?
Now, before we forget, I am one sentimental some may all sensitive a** being. I’ve always been a big baby when it comes to certain things, and the way my year ended, I was definitely not prepared for it. So the first blow came with a few of my plans for the top of the year, long story short, it ain’t happening. lol Now I can kind of laugh about it today. Even though it was a slight hit to my feelings. And then my doctor decided to cancel whatever good hope I had left and replaced it with real anxiety and slight panic. I am an over thinker by nature, and should sign up for an Overthinkers Anonymous Group, or probably create that myself. Instantly, I fell down the rabbit holes of what ifs, and every ounce of excitement I had, left with every exhale. And I was instantly left with dread and the New Year Blues.
Worrying about the things I can control
Lesson of the day, out of all of the aspects of my life, there are only several that are within my grasp of control. That means that certain things need to be removed from my “worry plate” to give me room to work with what actually NEEDS to be on my plate. I had to sit down and put things in an order of importance. And what I came up with, makes the most sense. 1. Health & Well Being 2. My son & Family 3. school (because your girl NEEDS to graduate.) But everything else, at this point, Just doesn’t belong. I realized that I was forcing things to work and to stay, that most likely didn’t want or need to be there. And it is definitely time to just let those things be. Now the things I can work with, I have to put the max effort into and just make sure that I am constantly striving to be a better woman than I was the day before.
My reality check came in the weirdest way and definitely unexpected. I had been questioning myself as of late. Trying to figure out what I can do to go from being a “great woman” to being the woman that a man actually wants to date and give a genuine chance to. I’ve noticed that the people I tend to deal with, always find someone “better than me” without really saying anything to me. And in reality, looking back at my dating history, it always seems to be that way, and it definitely added to a bit of the sadness I felt. But the reality check I got today, was God sent. I was reminded that I am Brilliant and worthy and that even with my flaws I would be a great catch for the right person. And the right person will understand my value and be present. Sometimes it’s hard, when you’re constantly reflecting on what the issue Is within you, Instead of just looking at it in another way. A way that doesn’t make me question myself or my capabilities. I had to look at it differently instead of allowing things to take away from who I am as a woman and a mother.
Beating the New Year Blues
The fight won’t b easy, but the battle will be won. Genuinely, I know that this year, will get better. I started from the bottom a few years ago, and now I’m here. Unafraid to showcase my brilliance and humor, capable of being happy and peaceful, full of love and joy to give my family and friends but most importantly being a super cool mom to a super cool kid. Some days we forget how great we really are. Without allowing outside forces to interfere with that. I’m just as guilty as everyone else in that realm. But my desire is to work on that along with a few others things that will help me become a better person. I am deserving, worthy and capable.. and so are you.
Have a blessed, successful and prosperous New Year!