Dating successfully, has to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever attempted.. Harder than my accounting class. That I seem to constantly fail at, lol. But seriously, it’s trying, tiring, old and just seems super repetitive. The mere possibility of something possibly going in the right direction is killed immediately, “you gotta be quicker than that.” And after a while, it just becomes something you don’t desire to talk about anymore. Especially not with your happily in love friends – which I seem to have a plethora of. So here’s what it means to be the Single Friend…. And Why we’re sick of your advice.
Disclaimer: I’m not a love hater. I loveeee love, and black love and seeing my friends happily in love and taking the next steps to grow their families. I’m not anti the happiness of other people. I would just appreciate it if people didn’t project their thoughts or feelings on the subject ON me and my life.
*respect the rant. thanks*
What it means to be the Single Friend…. And Why we’re sick of your advice
Looking over my dating history, I can’t seem to remember my last “successful” attempt at a relationship. At some point I thought something was just genuinely wrong with me… I mean, why else would it be sooo easy for the few that I have attempted to date, to leave quick, fast and in a hurry? So of course, with such a failed dating history and the constant agony of attempting to get to know new people and always having to dust myself off and start over. I’m starting to think that the people close to me, that are in relationships or married – don’t understand why. The don’t understand why I’m not open to talking about it. Because in reality, what’s the point of mentioning someone, just to “nevermind it” a few days or weeks later?
It’ embarrassing being asked about someone that you could have been smitten by, and they’ve already ghosted or dipped off with someone more their steelo. Especially when you had a really good feeling about this prospect and then “nope, wrong again.” Constantly having to start over, thinking “hmmm, this person may actualllyyyy see it for me..” and then it’s nope.. never mind. Let me just pretend this didn’t happen. But then you still have to answer questions about why you don’t talk to this specific person anymore, after taking the hit to your ego and feelings.
Dating may just not be for me. And at this point in my life, I’m cool with that.
Dating – marriage, may just not be for me. More so over the years, I’ve come to this conclusion. I’ll probably be the single friend, dope mom, god mother to your kids, the cool aunt and eventually the traveler. I’ve realized that even if I may see it for someone else, as busy as my schedule may be, people love to pick my brain, and then they dip, once they have all of the ideas or blue print needed for their next step. The next step they didn’t include me in or probably didn’t even care to. But I’m such an inspiration and amazing woman… *Eye roll* which, is patronizing, in my opinion.
We don’t care to hear your mouth about our choices
The unsolicited advice, the shade, the condescending conversation… Keep that. Unless you’re asked for your opinion about our dating life, KEEP THAT. It’s already enough to go through this dating game, and THEN you have to deal with the people that “care about you” with all of their extraness. You don’t feel what I feel. You don’t experience what I experience. You are not me. You can’t tell me how big or small something should mean to me. Don’t tell me “its not a big deal.” or throw out what you deem an acceptable amount of time that should have passed before I’m “allowed to feel” a certain type of way. Don’t downplay our emotions. We are allowed to feel however it is that I feel. Whether its indifferent, bothered, carefree or hurt.
Learn to be a non-judgmental ear, or get used to the silence
It’s simple. Learn how to listen without judgment and you may just get the tea you’re asking for. But also, understand if someone doesn’t want to speak prematurely or jinx the possibility of finding the right one.
I’ll probably just continue to be the “fun mom”, keeping my grades right and pursuing my business, brand & career endeavors. If one day, the universe decides to bless me with the heart meant for me, I’m open to it. Until then, just respect the process and understand that we just want to be able to take our Ls in private and move on. Hopefully, you’ll be more understanding of what it means to be the Single Friend…. And Why we’re sick of your advice.