**this post is not for the lil’ Wayne’s & Raven Symone’s of the world. Whether you want to face the truth or not.. Racism is more than just a “thing”. **
A few months ago, I wrote a post about the “Value of the Black Woman.” And as of late, I have had to defend my views and feelings as it relates to the value of the black man. Especially when questions like ” what can the black man offer anyone other than d*ck?” arise.
As stated before, people are quick to devalue black men, black people in general. It comes from within the race and also from society. Systematically, some black families are taught that they are better off separated. No man, More money. More kids, More money. No father, more money. Be bitter and GET MORE MONEY!!! The system teaches black women that they don’t NEED the black man in their household, they can “do bad all by themselves” with the government’s help, of course, Society teaches black men that they do not have to be FATHERS to their children. They aren’t needed, and that their presence is worth less than government assistance. Household divided.
“I feel like society views me as a black man as inadequate and inept.”
Fatherless households teach young boys how to run and how to not be responsible, It shows that young boy that they don’t have to take care of their own… Especially if their father didn’t. It teaches young girls that they “don’t need a man” to handle business or to help them raise their children.
You know that there’s a problem when young mom’s are worried more about child support than making sure their child is in a two parent home. Pregnant and ready to get that check.
Society teaches you that the black man is worthless. he’s a thief, always up to no good, he isn’t loyal to anyone but himself. He is just “taking up space” in your home, he’s a criminal, he’s irresponsible, he’s a thug, he’s no good; he’s useless…. All of which is untrue.
How it feels to be a Black man in this Society
I have been blessed to have the friends, I have, They lend me their views and ideas, we can have discussions, we can laugh and truly talk together.. I decided to ask them, “how does it feel to be a BLACK MAN in society?” After asking for clarification, these are the answers I received. Honestly, it’s sad to hear.
Real men.. .Real feelings.
“I feel that half of society is scared of us (black men) and the other half don’t really know what to make of us. But because of those two separate things, they still act the same. We didn’t teach ourselves to hate ourselves. – Black on black crime is a result of a lack of jobs, and a poor economic stand; as far as the black community goes. So, if the n*gga next door to you, has a nice TV and it’s hard for you to get a job and you want a nice TV; it’s really that simple. But the more it happens, we start paying more attention to the fact that it happens and not WHY it happens. Then it looks like a completely different issue. — Black men, look like black men; and no matter what; they judge us a certain way. No matter how they judge us, they’re still scared of us.. which is why we’re getting killed off so f*ckin’ quick. ” – Marco the Brand
“You know how back in the day when white people were solely in the business of murdering black people, like the slavery days. And then after a while, black on black crimes, became more rampant that we probably ended up killing more of our own than slavery ever did.. I kind of feel like that about black women and black men’s relationships. Our new fight feels like it’s against black women. Only because black women are being told and taught that we (black men) are their enemy and they are starting to believe that sh*t. they believe it so much it’s like …. it’s kind of like white politicians saying ‘look at the minorities around you, they’re the reason you’re not progressing.” ” – KT Firehouse
“I feel like society views me as a black man as inadequate and inept. and they are actually scared of us, because they understand that if we get put in the same positions that they are already in. and I’m speaking about white people and a lot of other successful people, that if we had the same opportunities that honestly, pretty much we would take over and run things with and honestly run things with an iron grip and where we would never let go of it. And they’ll never regain that position or power over us again. So I think they purposely keep us down because they know what we’re capable of. I feel that I have to fight more to get respect and you know? I gotta get respect from everyone, even with our own women and stuff like that. So, it’s interesting but I feel that its just an everyday fight just to be something, that most races and other people kind of just get automatically blessed into…. automatically respected and automatically just understood.” Dominique V.
Because Society Says so
Just because Society says it, doesn’t make it true. There are people in every race that may fit that specific stereotype, but that does not define everyone. It doesn’t make sense as to why a black man has to work twice as hard, just to reach half of the level of success as his peers. Just HALF!
Society has always been very critical of the black man. No matter how hard they try to rise above it, There are more odds stacked against them. Their own women don’t support them, Police are killing them, and they’re just set up for failure. Yet, they still don’t walk around with that “defeated” mentality. Because they can’t. The moment they hang their head in shame or defeat, They lose. And they’ll forever be reminded of that moment of weakness; instead of just getting genuine support.
My Job in this world
There have been plenty of times, where I’ve had to defend my choice of dating and/or uplifting the black man. Or why I’m not really fond (at all actually) of dating white men. I’m not down for the swirl or anything of that nature. It’s just not for me. And people try to make me feel bad for it.
“Tienes que mejorar la raza” – “You have to better your race (dating outside of it). BS
But I was raised differently. I grew up with mostly male cousins, and I watched how my aunt and my mom instilled positivity in them growing up; that was verrrryyyyy different than what the outside world tried to feed them once they got old enough. They had someone believing in them; which ultimately shaped their view and love of self. and what they chose to strive for.
Life lessons – The Value of the Black Man
It made me realize something major. My job in this world, outside of the “norm” is to uplift, motivate and breathe life into the black men in my life. Yes, we may not always agree with things and at some point one of us may be wrong… But either way. we’re supposed to support each other the right way.
Society has been built to tear down and eliminate the black man and their children. They walk around with a target on their backs, all because of their skin color. They are made to feel like failures. They have to work harder, push harder, and lose more; just to find leverage in this world. And it’s unfair. Why should I, as a black woman, tear them down anymore than they already get beaten down on a daily basis. If I can’t help pick you back up, who will? Honestly? Who will? Who’s supposed to pray for him? worry about him? or even remind him of his value? Who will be there when he falls short, when he cries or when he hurts?
I refuse to add negativity to that black man’s life. My black man’s life…. I refuse to create an atmosphere of self hate and neglect. I just want the black men in my life to be great. Whether we’re best friends, family or my significant other. Even people that I just see doing great things; I would rather speak a positive your way; than a negative. Black men fight so hard, all of the time and honestly they shouldn’t have to fight with us too.. It shouldn’t always be that way.
Black men need to be supported and reminded that they are valued, loved and special. That they mean more than just sex and eye candy. That they are worthy of being our husbands and fathers to our children, That they actually contribute to society and that our black boys NEED them. As the mother of a young black boy, that’ll one day be a black man; I have to instill those values in him; so that it becomes second nature. Every one else is already against them.. Why add to it?
Remind them they are Black Men of Value. Always.