In The Chaos, I Fell In Love

This past year has been a whirlwind. So much has happened and genuinely, I never thought there would be a day where I would find peace in the chaos. There have been a lot of setbacks, come ups, moments of stagnation, development and growth during this time. In the chaos, I fell in love.. just not in the way you may think.

In the chaos, I fell in love

Chaos, there seemed to be chaos every where. I could neverrr catch a break, get good news or just be in a peaceful position in life without the adverse simultaneously happening and ruining everythaaaaanngggg. As great things would happen in my life, terrible things would happen just as fast. There were moments where I was bringing my best game, and somehow I would fall short. I was spending entirely too much internalizing every negative thought and feeling someone had of me, my failures and more. something had to change, I just wasn’t sure what.

“I don’t need a crown to know that I’m a queen” – Lizzo

“Keep your head down and mind your business…” was the quote I lived by. But keeping my head down, figuratively became my physical flaw. I walked with my eyes to the ground, I always felt uncomfortable, incompetent and embarrassed. The biggest fight I had with myself, was when I started getting into yoga, and you’re taught to align your head, with your neck and elongate your spine. You’re taught that the opening of your crown is your direct connection to God and Spirit. It was a huge challenge for me, but eventually, I learned how to keep my head up and keep my boundaries intact. 

Keeping my head up reminded me that I’m essentially a goddess and there is no reason for me to keep “my eyes on the ground”. I had to move with confidence, remind myself that I was brilliant and grow stronger within myself. Yoga helped me see that. Through yoga I fell in love with myself.

Falling in love with myself gave me the greatest sense of peace

I had two options, love myself through my journey OR struggle with myself until I get where I want to be. The latter would be more stressful and just harder to navigate through. Genuinely loving myself deeply and unconditionally; allowed me to show myself the kindness and acceptance I would give someone else. Becoming more affirming of self in the midst of chaos and setbacks, reminding myself that I am beyond capable and that my path is destined and aligned to be whatever it was pre-destined to be. Giving myself the space and acceptance made handling life so much easier. I was able to function better even during moments that just, would have left me broken otherwise. 

There was just something in treating myself better, honoring my thoughts, feelings and boundaries, breathing in positivity as deeply as possible and sharing those positives with those around me. Naturally, people removed themselves from my life, and I was able to float on through life, regardless of what happened during that day or week. I didn’t need to vent. There was no internalizing of what was happening, just seeing the difference within myself and how it projected outward, was amazing. The love I had for myself, was a functioning example of unconditional love at its finest. 

Simple reminders

**Talk to yourself with love. Talk to yourself the way you would a loved one or a child that made a mistake. Give yourself space to learn from the mistake and correct it if possible. **Treat yourself with the same respect you offer others.** Watch your thoughts. What you think, you WILL become. **Be positive, stay positive and function within that realm when possible. **Find what makes you feel good and loved and always create the time and space to do so. **Honor yourself and your feelings. Do not belittle or ignore them. Acknowledge them and take the time to truly understand where they are coming from.

Fall in love with you, life WILL get better. 

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